the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
