Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
