wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
