I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
