this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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