i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
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It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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