Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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