I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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