I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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