I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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