last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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