I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
