It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
