Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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