i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
