either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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