Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
