I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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