first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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