So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
