man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
