Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
