i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
