she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
