you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
