im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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