Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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