I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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