Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
