dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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