Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
