and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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