i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
