1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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