Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
