I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
