hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
