he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You may now shotgun with the bride
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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