my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
