My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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