that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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