I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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