So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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