My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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