if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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