I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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