Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
