Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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