The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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