im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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