I could make wine with my vomit
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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