I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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