Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't deserve a penis
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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