You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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