the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
