god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
