Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
