Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
