Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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