Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
