we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
