And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
