Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
