If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
