I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
