The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have fence marks all over my body
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
