Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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