no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
