Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
