I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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