Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
operation have a gay friend backfired
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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