Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
