Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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