I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
