I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
