I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
