So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
