I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
